Notice: This entry was published 4 years ago and may no longer reflect my views today.

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Last night, my grandfather passed away. He died peacefully and comfortably at my aunt’s home in Texas. He’d been sick for a while. I thought I was ready for it. I kept rationalizing that it was his time. He had a long life, survived by five children and six grandchildren, but I still felt upset when I heard the news. I’ve experience a lot of loss in my life, and it never gets easier. It’s always a grim reminder that life never stays the same for long.

I’m flying to Houston this coming weekend for a short service for him and to see my family. I’ve been receiving a lot of messages from my friends and some people at Tumblr and Twitter. Thank you very much for your thoughts. I feel a lot better now that I’ve had some sleep. I still feel a little sad, but my family and I have chosen to focus on celebrating his life.

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Hard at work, even after retirement

My grandpa, who I called Daddylo, was a very hardworking man. He owned a motor rewinding shop in my hometown and worked well into his 70s. As a kid, I’d hang out at the shop after school, doing my homework on his desk. I can still smell the faint scent of grease that persistently filled the air, and I still have the shop’s phone number memorized. I’d call him from our house when I got bored and get yelled at for disturbing him. :P

He spent the last few months at my aunt’s home after his health started declining. My cousin said he never complained and even apologized for burdening them. That’s just like him. He was the head of our entire family for a long time, and even in his last moments, he had to make sure everyone was okay. My mom flew a few days ago to see him, and she ensured that everyone got to say their farewells and to tell him that they’ll be fine. We’re not a perfect family, but we’re healthy and we love each other. We’ll always be there for each other. I hope Daddylo got to know that in his passing.

I was able to speak to him over Viber before he passed, to tell him that I’m happy and he has nothing to worry about. He’d always ask me if I was happy with my marriage, if my husband was treating me right. I always had to reassure him that I’m doing fine. That’s just how he was, you know? He had to be sure I was okay every time I called to ask him how he was doing.

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Thank you for working so hard for all of us, Daddylo. Thank you for taking care of us. Thank you for teaching me how to spell my name, for playing with me even when you were tired from work, for always making time for me. I’m proud to be your apo. <3

Comments

  1. “My cousin said he never complained and even apologized for burdening them. That’s just like him.”

    Awww, condolences Raisa! I never got to meet any of my Lolo but maybe it would be as fun as your memories with yours. May he rest in peace. :)
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  2. I’m so sorry for your loss, Raisa. My last surviving grandparent passed away last summer, and it’d broke my heart terribly, and so I know how you’re feeling. *hugs* I like how you call him Daddylo. That’s the first time I’ve seen a grandfather being called that, and it’s very endearing.

    I wish you a safe flight to his service. *hugs again*
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    1. Thanks, Tara. Daddylo was also my last living grandparent. :(

      The nickname started with my grandma actually. XD She didn’t want to be called Lola (“grandmother” in Tagalog). She made me called her Mommy Lola, which eventually became Mommylo.

  3. It is so incredibly sad. :( When you loose someone that is really close to you and have meant so much to you throughout your life. It is also hard when they become ill, and part of you is glad that they are not suffering anymore.

    I lost my grandfather in 2012, and he reminds me a lot of yours. He always cared so deeply about everyone around him and worried that he was a burden when looking after him. I always told him how much I loved him, and that he was a never a burden that I was so lucky to have an amazing person in my life.

    I hope that the time with your family will allow you to celebrate his life and be around people that care about you and your family.

    I am thinking of you. *hugs forever*
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  4. My condolences! I’ve never experienced having any Lolos because they passed away before I gained consciousness and reason… But I definitely know how its feels when someone you really love passes away.

    Again, I’m sorry for your loss.

  5. I’m so sorry for your loss :( I had the same feeling when my grandmother passed away. I knew it was going to happen soon because she had cancer and her health was getting worse. It still hit me pretty hard when she did pass. It really never gets easier when it comes to experiencing loss.

    Your grandpa sounds like a great and very kind man :) I’m glad you were able to speak with him before he passed. He sounds like he cared about you guys a lot. My condolences to you and your family, and I hope you have a safe trip to Houston!
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    1. I’m sorry about your grandmother. :( My grandpa was diagnosed with stage 1 lung cancer. It’s perfectly treatable, but in his old age, I guess the treatments were too hard on him. Screw cancer.

  6. I’m sorry for your loss. Yes, screw cancer. It’s never easy to lose a loved one, no matter if they are sick and old. You can never prepare enough for when it happens.
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  7. I’m so sorry to hear that your grandfather passed away :/. We always think we’re prepared for the worse, but when it actually happens, we were not truly prepared for it. Celebrating his life for what he did would be a great way to honor him, especially with the hardworking person he is. It is great that you got to talk to him and he’s always looking out for your happiness :). I wish for the best :)
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  8. I’m so sorry for your loss, Raisa. I lost my grandmother a couple years ago, and she was also the head of the family. Since my family moved away from the Philippines, my paternal grandmother was really the only grandparent I came to know well. However, our family wasn’t perfect, still isn’t, so as I got older I rarely saw or have conversations with her. I got too caught up in my own life.

    You are so blessed to have had that last conversation with him. I hope that you find comfort in that, because that’s something to keep close forever. Again, I’m so sorry for your loss and condolences to your family.
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    1. I’m sorry about your grandmother. :( I also feel like I didn’t get to talk to my grandpa enough. Got caught up in my own life too. I feel really sad about that, but my family has been telling me the important thing is I got to speak to him in his final hours.

  9. I’m so sorry for your loss, Raisa. My condolences to you and your family. I never knew any of my grandparents, but my uncle passed nearly four years ago (a week and a half before my birthday too) and it was pretty devastating. Now I know that it was a long time coming; he’d been sick for a really long time, and it was easier for him and everyone else that he passed, no matter how much it hurt.
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  10. He sounds like he was an amazing grandfather. I’m sorry for your loss. You have my condolences. :( I know it must be painful for you and your family.

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